The first penis I
ever saw belonged to Edward. He lived across the street from me and we shared
everything, including our best friend, Wally.
I adored Eddie. He had a finished basement and older brothers with far
more pressing issues, keeping his parents otherwise occupied. We spent
countless hours in the sparse, damp, enclave, eating cheese doodles and
listening to music.
The penis day began like any other. Edward
and I sat on his couch listening to Billy Joel, singing Scenes From An Italian
Restaurant at the top of our lungs. We were thirteen and Edward had started
smoking cigarettes. He could be found roller-skating around the neighborhood wearing
rainbow suspenders in homage to Mork, forever trying to pick up girls. He’d
skate up, suspender clad, heater in hand, and irresistible, with the most
contagious laugh, and use some line like, “hey there I seem to have misplaced
my number can I have yours?” He had
already had several girl friends; unheard of amongst the band of boys we played
with. Edward had abandoned his fear of girl cooties by the age of eight around
the same time he felt his first breast.
I remember the penis event clearly.
“Een, have you ever seen a...you
know...a dick?”
“Other than you? No.”
Edward
was not one to mince words.
“Ha,
ha, very funny. So, do you want to see mine?”
“Good God no! Why would I?”
“Trust
me, I’d be doing you a big favor. This way you won’t be shocked when you see
one for the first time. Well, the second time.”
It sounded reasonable to me. I’d be
lying if I didn’t admit to being curious. I had no sexual attraction to Edward
but he was a boy and he was willing so what the hell?
“Fine. Why not.” I shrugged.
Edward pulled back the blanket in
his lap to reveal his penis. An involuntary gasp of shock escaped from my
throat.
“That may be the ugliest thing I’ve
ever seen. No kidding.”
“I know, but watch what it does.”
Suddenly, without provocation, it
started to move. I was stunned and horrified and a bit envious that I didn’t
have an equally remarkable body part.
“What the...”
“I told you that you’d be shocked!”
He was
right. I was shocked stupid.
“How
did you do that?”
“I have no idea. It happens all the time. I
don’t do anything. It just does that. I have absolutely no control over it.”
“Yikes. Does it hurt?”
“It’s nearly killing me.”
Edward
and I both looked down at his now shrinking appendage.
“That
is disgusting,” I finally mutter.
“It is and
that’s not even the worst of it.”
I was confused but knew enough not
to press.
2 comments:
I remember the first time i saw a penis i was equally distrurbed but they do "grow" on you!
You've seen one you've seen them all!
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